Which way does the time go?

It seems unfair that my time starts sooner than yours. Midnight reaches me before you. Morning reaches me before you. A new day starts without you sooner for me than you. I open my eyes, check to see if the sun is out, and reach for my phone to determine the time. From there, I am left staring out the window attempting to push my grief away into the furthest depths of my mind. I pull the covers up for a moment and close my eyes. It's Sunday morning, which means I should be in your bed, still wearing my makeup from the night before. I should be in my panties and nothing else. I should be on the tenth floor of your apartment building, sleeping on your soft bed, body tangled in the covers. I naturally wake up at 7am as a reflex. My mind, afraid of oversleeping for work, will give off a startle reflex to check the time. You always wake up when I rustle about in bed. I switch positions and you will inevitably slide yourself up next to me, our bodies pressed together, sharing heat. I am always on the inside of the spoon. I never told you how much i loved feeling your heart beating up against my shoulder blades, how I loved catching you sniffing my hair, how i loved it when you'd kiss my neck before falling asleep with your arms wrapped around me until the alarm clock would go off and we'd make love before you had to go to work. It never mattered that we hadn't brushed our teeth or that we still smelled like the love we'd made the night before. I loved surrenduring my body to you on Sunday mornings. You'd have your way with me, I'd finish you off in my mouth, and then you'd jump in the shower and get ready for work. I would lie in the bed for a few minutes and listen to the water run in the shower, steam bellowing out as you cleansed yourself for the day.

But today you're miles away and you're still asleep in your beautiful Texas home. I lie awake in my bed, trying to conjur up the smell of you, the smell of us, and how your skin feels against mine. I miss your arms around me, turning around and facing you in the middle of the night, sharing blankey, and tangling my legs in yours. I miss your face being the first thing i'd see when i woke up, and the serenity of knowing i fell asleep in your arms.

My sadness begins. It's 7am and my startle reflex went off. My sadness begins because you're gone. But I'm not done with you yet.